


When they're both ready

by kendra189



Series: Love, Simon - Simon's Bravery Series [6]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, POV Simon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27521254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendra189/pseuds/kendra189
Summary: *COMPLETE*Simon and Bram are getting pretty hot and heavy when they're interrupted by Bram's mom. Later, they decide they should maybe have a talk about taking the next step in their relationship and are happy to find out they are on the same page.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Series: Love, Simon - Simon's Bravery Series [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024117
Comments: 25
Kudos: 91





	1. Bram and Simon decide to talk

**Author's Note:**

> So this started as a quick 2,500 word one shot in November 2020, but then expanded into a three-part full story.
> 
> Hopefully you guys like it!
> 
> Also - this is movie-Canon compliant more than the books, so Bram is maybe a bit more.. experienced than Book-Bram.

This is the most intense makeout session we’ve ever had. Bram and I are lying on his bed, kissing with a furious intensity we have never shown each other before. We passed normal makeout session at least ten minutes and two discarded shirts ago when hands started travelling down chests and clenching around back muscles. I’m intensely turned on and I can very clearly tell that Bram is too. I want to move this to the next level but we haven’t talked about it. Is it organic and natural if I just go for it? Or is that putting too much pressure on him? On us?

I decide that he isn’t hesitating with me right now. He’s kissing me with the kind of passion I’ve only ever seen in movies and I think he feels this fire just as intensely as I do. 

I decide to go for it.

My hand is on his chest, and I slowly start to move it down. I can feel Bram’s breath hitch as I pass his belly button, but I keep going. I reach the button on his jeans, and I undo it. I move to his zipper, when-

“Hey Bram, sweetie! I’m home!” His mom yells from downstairs.

Bram and I jump apart, both in shock. His mom is almost two hours earlier than she said she would be.

Bram, clearly flustered, just takes a deep inhale and exhale. He brings his hand up to his head, and drags it down his face and pinches the bridge of his nose.

I just lie there, taking deep breaths, trying to slow my heart rate.

“Bram, honey? You here? Is Simon here?” His mother yells up the stairs.

Bram throws his shirt back on, pulls himself together and whispers “ok.” to himself to prepare to go speak to her. He looks over at me. “You ready?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” I say while throwing my own shirt back on and smile at him. He smiles back at me with that prolonged look that makes me feel so _seen_.

Bram leans over the bed and kisses me in his signature gentle way for a moment.

God, I’m so in love with him. We’ve only been dating for three weeks so it’s too early to say it, but I don’t care. I can’t wait to tell him. I’m going to tell him soon.

We both head downstairs to greet his mom.

“Hey Mom!”

“Hey Ms. Greenfeld. Great to see you.”

“Hi boys! How was your afternoon. Get much … _studying_ done?”

“Ew, mom….. don’t do that.” And Bram casually waves her off.

She takes it in stride and just smiles in response.

“Well I know I’m early, I _did_ text. You didn’t respond. I assume you were busy.” And shoots a knowing look at me.

Bram visibly scoffs.

She turns to me and briefly touches my cheek.

“Simon, my sweet.” 

I love that she calls me that.

“You staying for dinner? I know I wasn’t supposed to be here for dinner, but I’d love for you to stay.”

“Oh great, thanks Ms. Greenfeld. Ya, Bram and I were just going to order a pizza. But dinner with you as well sounds wonderful.”

“Sounds great! Let’s still do pizza. Added bonus of my being here is I will pay.” She says cheekily.

I can see Bram watching me as I smile my best smile back at his mom. 

“But for now, I must leave you two alone, I’ve got a touch more work to do. Shall we order the pizza for, say, an hour from now?”

“Yeah mom, that sounds perfect. We’ll order it in twenty minutes or so. The usual toppings good with you?”

“Sure is!” Responds his mom. “Shout into my study when it gets here!”

And with that, his mom scoots around the corner into her home office.

With his mom out of the room, Bram looks at me with an expectant look on his face.

“…. You wanna go hang out in the den for a bit?” He asks.

I, of course, agree. His den has the softest, most plush couch I have ever sat on in my life. Sitting on that couch with Bram snuggled next to me is one of the best feelings in the world.

I walk in first and flop down on the far side of the couch. Bram comes and sits next to me and swings his legs across my lap while leaning into the side of the couch. I throw my arm around his legs and put my hand on his lower thigh. I’ll never pass up an opportunity to touch him.

“So how’s your essay for Mr. Wise shaping up?” He asks. “Picked a film to review yet?”

“Yeah, I think I’m going to write about _Moonlight_. Explore the three chapter motif as a narrative structure. What do you think? I mean, I know you’ve probably already written the entire first draft of your essay.” I say, lovingly.

Bram doesn’t acknowledge my remark about his essay, he just responds to my topic. “I love it. And I’m not gonna lie, Simon. I love that you picked an LGBTQ story to focus on. You _would_. You’re so brave.”

I laugh it off. “I’m not _that_ brave. It’s just that we watched that movie with my family the other night, and it’s just kind of … stayed with me since. I really loved it.” I say honestly.

Bram smiles at me, and I feel that fluttery feeling in my stomach I always get when Bram pays me even the slightest bit of attention.

Bram suddenly chuckles lightly. “I still can’t believe we watched that movie with your parents and your little sister! I mean that _beach scene_ …”

I just giggle. “Yeah, they give zero shits about stuff like that.”

“I’ve _noticed_.”

We have a moment of peaceful silence that follows, when I realize that this is the perfect opportunity to bring up the topic I’ve wanted to bring up with him for awhile now.

“Bram….” I say. And I can see he can tell that I’m shifting gears a bit.

“Yeah?”

I get a bit nervous, I look down at his legs in my lap. “Um.” I scrunch my eyes, praying for courage. “Do you think we should maybe talk about the, um, next steps in our relationship? You know, before those next steps actually happen?” I steal a glance at him. He is still looking intensely at me, with a weirdly knowing look on his face.

“Do you mean the physical stuff?” He asks.

“Yeah. I don’t know. I was just thinking we should check in with each other and, um. You know. Make sure we’re both on the same page about things. About what we want, and um, I don’t know. _When_. I guess.”

I must look ridiculous. I’m way more nervous than I should be. I’m always so comfortable with Bram. But I think talking about sex is nerve-wracking, no matter what. I hope he’s not judging me for being so weird right now.

But Bram, so clearly the chill one in our relationship, seems completely unfazed.

“I think that’s a really good idea.”

“Yeah? ok great.” I started us down this awkward journey. I know I should do the noble thing and go first. So I do.

“Because I think you know… I’m totally crazy about you, Bram. I’m so, so into you. And earlier, I was totally about to .. take us to the next level, because I definitely wanted that, and I was pretty sure you did too. But then I second-guessed myself that you might not want that yet. And then I started to wonder if I’d talked to you enough about your history. I know you dated Sarah last year for, like a good while, and I’m, um, I’m not even sure if your having been interested in girls impacts what you do or don’t want with me... sorry I'm rambling.”

I dare to look at him and he’s just waiting patiently for me to finish. I gently close my lips so he sees that’s all I’ve got for right now.

“Simon, I’m not bi.”

“But even if I _was_ , Si. That wouldn’t change the basic fact that I’m crazy about you too.” He reaches up and strokes my face gently.

“I don’t think being straight, gay or bi or _anything_ has any impact on the fact that when you’re with someone, it’s because you’re _into_ them. I’m not 100% sure what you were afraid of, but I can’t imagine wanting half measures. I’m not saying two people who are together owe each other sexual activity, but I think they owe each other some transparent honesty about their …sexuality? In general, I guess? I don’t know. But make no mistake, Simon, I want everything with you. Seriously. _Everything_.”

I take a big breath in and out, relieved.

“But I _am_ glad you brought Sarah up though, Simon. Because that segues into a concern that _I_ have about taking the next step with you.”

I twist toward him, so he knows he has my full, focused attention

“I think you know that Sarah and I did….y _ou know_. Not a lot. But a few times. And, I know you dated Anna for a while in junior year, but, and correct me if I’m wrong, I don’t think you’ve ever …taken that step. With her or anyone.”

“I haven’t. You’re right.”

“Ok. So I’m a little concerned that you might think that I’m…I don’t know. More experienced than I am? Like I’m somehow, like, super knowledgeable? I’m afraid you might have expectations of me, or expect me to know things, when we’re together… like that….. But the truth is, I have _no idea_ what I’m doing.”

He looks more worried than I expected him to be. I straighten up on the couch so I can reach him better and I grab his hand “Bram, you don’t have to worry. I have zero expectations about that, from you. Yeah, you’ve been with girls. I never went all the way, but I did date a girl long enough to know that it’s _totally_ different than with a guy. I don’t expect you to bring anything to the table except yourself. Honestly I’m just going to be so happy to be there with you, _like that_.” I say, and I’m surprised at my own boldness.

Bram looks completely relieved, and I’m glad I was able to set his mind at ease. I love that he can’t keep a giant grin from crossing his face.

“So.” He says “I guess that just leaves the question of _when_.”

I just nod. I consider telling him I want to jump his bones right here on this couch, but think better of it.

“So, you started us off with the first part so I’ll go first with this part…” He says and looks at me a bit apprehensively.

“So I’m just gonna be honest with you Simon. I’m ready _now_ … like, seriously, whenever you tell me you’re ready, I’m _in_. I meant what I said earlier, I want everything with you. I want you to touch me, like you almost did upstairs. I want to touch you. I want to go down on you. I want you to go down on me. I want to kiss every inch of your body. And I want to have so much sex with you. _God_ , I want that so much. In all kinds of ways.”

I can’t believe he said all that out loud. I think my heart might explode.

“Well..” He continues, walking back his previous statement a little bit. “Maybe not _all_ the ways.” He says and kind of laughs at himself. “I’m not sure how much research _you’ve_ done, Simon but some of the positions look… acrobatically difficult.” He laughs a little. “Maybe, down the line, we can look at those and decide together if we want to give them a try.”

I can’t believe him. I can’t believe he said all of this to me. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have such a brave, smart, eloquent, sexy and wonderful guy like him.

“But I want to be clear, Simon. I’m really, really, _really_ , ok with waiting. I’m telling you I’m ready now because I think it’s super important to be honest, especially about this. But I don’t want to do anything with you unless you want to do it with me just as much. So, seriously. I’m fine with waiting. I’ll wait forever. I hope you know that.”

I try and think of something to respond to that, but I’m completely dumbfounded and in awe of him.

I instead twist around to face him, toss his legs to the side and throw my body on him and pin him to the couch, under me. I place my hand on his cheek and kiss him while making sure as much of our bodies are touching as humanly possible. Bram wraps both of his arms around me and places one hand at the small of my back and the other one up between my shoulder blades. I love when he touches me there.

I pull my head up just enough to be able to look at him, and smile.

“So I guess we are on the same page then. Because I’m ready, too. Now. I want _all_ those things too. God Bram, you have no idea, putting my lips on your skin is honestly my _favourite thing_.”

He just smiles a bit bigger and says “Well, your favourite thing _so far_.”

I can’t help but laugh and I bury my face into his neck. After a moment, I lean back up and kiss him again. This kiss is already more intimate, more knowing. Like we’re both infusing our new understanding about each other into this moment. This is so dangerous, since we can’t do anything beyond kiss right now, but I’m not going to be the one to stop it.

Bram moves his hand to my head and threads his fingers into my hair. I know he loves doing that. I just hope he also knows I love it too.

In this position, being this close to him, I can feel his heart beating, and his threaded breath makes me feel more turned on than I have ever been at any other time in my entire life. I also don’t think I’ve ever felt as connected to him as I do right now. Bram and I just look at each other for another minute, before Bram, ever the sensible one says, “I guess we should order the pizza now?”

His breath is laboured, and I feel oddly proud that I’m the one that turned him on so much. I can’t wait to do it more.

“Yeah, that’s a good call.” I say, and I lean back and climb off of Bram’s perfect body.

Bram reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cell phone. I watch as he’s about to open the pizza app when he turns to me.

“Oh, Simon, just .. one more thing.” He starts. “While I’m so happy we’re both …. _ready_ , I also don’t want to rush it. You know? I don’t want to, like, rush through it because we have the house to ourselves for like, a mere 40 minutes. When I finally get to take your clothes off, I want us to have all the _time_ to do it right. You know what I mean?”

Good God. I’m pretty sure he’s trying to undo me until I’m a bumbling horny mess sitting through dinner with his mom.

“Yeah” I agree. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“Yeah?” Bram looks relieved. “Like, I’m not expecting us to get an empty house for a whole night. But _at least_ a few hours, right?”

“Totally agree. Again, same page.”

“Ok great.” Bram smiles, and turns his attention back to his phone to order our pizza.

The next day, I’m at home, hanging out with Norah, when Bram texts me.

_Bram:_

_So you won’t believe it, but my mom just told me she’s going away this weekend, just for the night to a conference in Atlanta. She’ll be gone from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon._

_Bram:_

_I asked her if I could invite you over and she said she’s ok with it so long as you talk to your parents._

_Me:_

_Oh my God. Oh MY GOD, Bram._

_Bram:_

_So, I know that’s pretty quick after our talk yesterday, but what do you say? Still same page?_

I immediately get up off the couch.

“Hey mom? Can I talk to you for a second?”


	2. Getting Permission to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok! So "ClockworkIsWriting" suggested a second chapter to this story and I thought it was a good idea! And since I appear to no longer be able to write a tight little one-shot, I wrote TWO extra chapters! 
> 
> Rating has been upped from "Mature" to "Explicit" So... read accordingly ;)

I find my mom in the kitchen typing up some handwritten notes into her laptop.

“Hey mom? Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Of course, Si! What’s up?”

I’m still holding my phone in my hand and glance down at Bram’s texts. Very suddenly, it occurs to me what I’ll have to admit to my mom in order to get her permission for this and my nerve starts to crumble.

Not completely though. Because one way or another, what Bram and I have decided to do is going to definitely happen.

“Um. So Bram’s mom is going out of town this weekend to a conference, just for Saturday night. Bram asked her if I could stay over, and she said she’s okay with it so long as you and dad are too.”

I look up at my mom who looks completely taken aback. This can’t be _that_ much a shock to her. I’m a senior in high school, she knows I’m crazy about Bram and we’ve been together for almost a month now. She must have known that Bram and I would get to this stage at some point.

“Oh, wow. Okay.” And with that she closes her laptop and takes in one of those big breaths she always takes right before she goes on a long lecture.

I instantly feel tense and start kicking myself. I really should have known this was coming. I’m about to get a sex talk and we both know it. I’m grateful that my dad’s not home. At least this will be just one parent’s worth of lecturing and they won’t do that weird thing where they team up and amplify the awkwardness as a way to show solidarity as a team. It’s so weird when they do that.

‘Simon, does this mean what I think it means? Have you and Bram discussed… what this means?”

I look at her, and decide I may as well lean into this, so I pull out a chair and sit across form her.

“It _does_ mean that. And, uh, yeah, Bram and I have discussed it. We had a good long talk about it actually.”

“Si, um, are you sure you’re ready? I mean, you and Bram have only been seeing other for a few weeks…. and, I mean, I don’t want to be too technical, but when two men decide to be intimate, there’s a lot more to consider than when it’s a man and a woman. Are you sure you’ve properly thought this through and that you're prepared?”

And with that, I’m instantly pissed off.

“Wow, mom. I mean, WOW. Did you just manage to slut-shame me, _and_ display some light homophobia, all in one sentence??” I can feel my hands start to shake at the allegation that this is somehow more serious than it would be if I was about to sleep with a girl for the first time rather than a guy. Somehow that announcement would be received far more casually. I know it, and I hate it.

“No, Simon, of course not-”

“-Because what _I_ just heard is, that I haven’t been with my boyfriend long enough to know I want to have sex with him, and also that because I’m gay, I should wait _even longer_ for some reason.”

“No, Simon. Please let me explain before you get upset.”

_Too late._

But since I’m fuming, I decide to stay quiet. I know if I keep talking right now, this will _definitely_ turn into a fight. And I don’t want to fight with my mom in this conversation, especially because I know she isn’t actually homophobic and I’m just being defensive.

It doesn’t mean I’m not right that her comment was thoughtless, but I can be more grownup about how I rake her over the coals for it.

“Okay…” she starts, obviously exercising a bit more care with her word choice. “By ‘more things to consider’, I mean _physically_ , Simon. I don’t want to get into specifics unless you want to…”

“God, please don’t.”

“Ok, but for two men to be intimate with each other, there is.. _care_.. to be taken. And I just want to make sure you have availed yourself of this information before you both take this leap.”

“Mom, you know I have a computer and we have internet right? I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’m actually willing to bet I know a lot more about it than you do. I’ve been looking this stuff up for years.”

“Years!? But, we had parental controls on the internet!”

I just roll my eyes. “Yeah, it’s cute that you think those aren’t the EASIEST things to get around ever. I’ve been doing it for forever. So has Nora, just so you know.”

She doesn’t say anything to that, just sits back for a moment. I can see she’s not going to wage war over this issue.

“And as for the ‘slut shaming’ accusation, Simon. That’s not what I was doing at all. It’s just I remember being young, and overwhelmed by your feelings. Including your physical feelings. Losing your virginity is a big event. Gay or Straight. I just want to make sure you’re not rushing the decision because you _can_ , particularly with access to an empty house. The literature on early sexual experiences often suggests that respecting feelings can sometimes get overlooked in LGBTQ sexual activity, particularly when its two men, because traditional masculine archetypes tend to prevail and neither party wants to be seen as weaker or submissive for acknowledging feelings and so they bury it to appear more assertive and less feminine-“

“- _Mom!_ ” I interrupt her. She’s slipped back into therapist-mode and I really don’t want to hear it.

I look over at her, and she looks surprisingly nervous. I’m sure talking with your kid about them having sex for the first time is an uncomfortable conversation at the best of times. And I guess I should be more understanding of the fact that she clearly wants to make sure she’s navigating the sex angle _and_ the gay angle well.

I take a breath to calm myself. “Mom, I promise you, neither Bram nor I are grandstanding for the other’s sake. I wasn’t lying to you earlier when I said that he and I talked about it. We actually had a pretty long talk about it. So trust me, we’re good." She doesn't say anything to that but still appears to be thinking about a response.

"So, um, is that it?…… Can I go this weekend?” I ask. Hopeful that I might still get out of this quickly.

She doesn’t say yes. She doesn’t say no. She just looks dissatisfied with the state of the conversation.

She looks at me and says, “Simon, I know you are basically a grown man now, but you’re also still my baby boy and you’re talking _very_ casually about a major life milestone. So, please just …. humor me for a minute or two.”

Well, crap. I guess I’m _not_ getting out of this that easily.

I don’t speak straight away and she continues to belabor her point, “I know that once you and Bram decide to do this, we aren’t going to be able to stop you. But I would just feel much better if I have this conversation with you, before you and Bram choose to go forward your plans. ….please?”

I take in a big breath and let it out slowly.

I try and address her concerns in the order I heard them.

“Ok. Let’s talk about timing first then. I swear to you, we’re not rushing this. I get why you’re worried. I do. Because yes, we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, and by this weekend it’ll basically be a full month. _Add to that,_ the fact that Bram and I were sending each other some pretty personal emails back and forth almost every day for _five months_ before we started to officially go out. Isn’t that well within the normal timeframes for couples to take this next step together?”

She doesn’t say anything, she just looks a little uneasy.

“Not to mention the fact that it’s not like we’ve just met. Bram and I have known each other since he moved to Shady Creek in freshman year. We’ve known each other for three and a half years now. We’re also high school seniors now. Bram turned eighteen two weeks ago and I’m seventeen. It’s not like we’re sophomores. Lots of people I know started having sex a lot earlier than this.”

I really skirted around the fact that this is only technically my first time, not Bram’s. But that’s Bram’s business, not anyone else’s.

She smiles gently at me and looks a bit contemplative. She knew about the emails, but I guess she hadn’t thought about the timetable that way before. I’m glad I chose to tell her about Jacques and Blue when Bram and I first started going out. I knew at the time that it would endear her to him, but I also thought it was important that she know the circumstances that brought Bram and me together. Hopefully that pays off now, too.

“Bram and I had a good talk about this. We talked about what we were ready for, and when. I told him something I was worried about and he told me something he was worried about and we talked both those things out till we both felt okay about it.”

That got her attention.

“What are each of you worried about?”

I just look her in the eye, uncomfortably. I’m definitely not sharing that with her.

“That’s… _private_.”

She looks disappointed but doesn’t press the issue.

“But.. you talked it out and you’re not worried anymore?” She asks cautiously.

“I’m not worried at all anymore. About my thing. And Bram assured me I had gotten rid of his concerns about his thing too. I swear to you. We talked it out.”

She looks a bit more relaxed but still a little uncomfortable, like there are more issues plaguing her.

“Ok, mom. What’s next in this conversation from hell?” I joke. But it comes out more ungrateful and caustic then I intended so I smile at her to let her know I was kidding. Mostly.

“Um… that you might be rushing your timeline to take advantage of the empty house? Would it change your plans if I promised you we would give you an empty house when you asked for it?”

Wow. I wasn’t expecting that from her. That is hugely generous. For one thing, I can’t believe she would agree to that. But secondly, that she’s that worried that we’re being rash and impulsive.

That’s when I realize we’re having a miscommunication.

“Honestly, mom? It wouldn’t change our plans. And I only just realized the problem here. You’re worried that we found out about the empty house and _then_ talked about being ready. But it was actually the opposite. We talked about taking this next step, er…um. Earlier. But Bram only found out about the empty house today.”

I hold up my phone to show her that I’ve got my texts open “Seriously mom, Bram texted me like _right_ before I came in here to talk to you.”

“Oh, really? Yes, I did worry it was the other way around. Okay, that does make me feel better.”

“And you and Bram have talked about your feelings for each other? This isn’t just about being physically ready. There are emotions to consider, like I said….”

I think about it for a second. I could tell her the truth, but I haven’t even said it to Bram yet. And I feel like I should make sure to tell him first. But, I also realize my mom is so important to me, and I think she’ll be flattered and thrilled that I’m sharing something so personal with her.

I decide to share with her. I know she'll be honored.

“Mom, I love him. I’m … in love with him.”

She looks shocked for a moment but then starts smiling adoringly. “I mean, I haven’t told him that yet, and he hasn’t told me either. But I’m pretty confident he feels the same way. You have to understand, the way he and I did things, you know, with the emails first, I really got to know him first, before anything else. His personality, his soul, his mind. Before I had any idea what he even looked like. I just happened to hit the jackpot when he turned out to also be _super hot._ This isn’t about doing it for the sake of doing it. Yes, believe me, I’m super into him like that. But it’s more than that. Bram is just… the _best_. I want to be with him. _Like_ that. I’m not scared or nervous, and I also know that if I did somehow get freaked out part way through, Bram won’t push things. And I know he trusts me just the same.”

“Will this be Bram’s … first time too?”

“….That _his_ business, mom.”

“Alright… so tell me, have you and he discussed his being more experienced than you?”

Damnit with her shrewd therapist perception abilities. I didn’t mean to share Bram’s private information.

“Mom – I already told you. That’s …. private. I’ll just tell you that _I’m_ not worried about it at all. Like, _at all_.”

My mom straightens up in her seat. “Okay, last thing, Simon. And then I promise to release you.”

I just smile at her.

“The physical stuff. Do you … have questions?”

“ _No_. Definitely not.”

“Okay. Then that’s it. You have my permission to go to Bram’s this weekend, overnight. I _am_ going to have to tell your dad of course. But it seems to me like you and Bram communicate well and that you’ve thought this through and that…. you’re ready.”

I smile at her and just nod gently. I am ready.

“Simon, I hope you understand – I know you’re all grown up and you’re in a serious, committed relationship. But you’re my baby. And you’re about to take a huge step into adulthood. I’m sorry if I’m being a bit emotional and pushy. This is just a major milestone. And even if It’s awkward, I want you to feel like you can come to me with questions and concerns.”

I kind of nod quickly. “I get it. I really do.”

She’s smiling at me in that weird, proud way again.

I look at her apprehensively. I don’t really know what to say next. Thanks for allowing me the freedom to go have sex with my boyfriend?

I decide to go with the more obvious response.

“Wanna hug it out?” I ask.

“Yes!” and she immediately gets up, walks around the table and envelops me into a signature Spier super-tight hug.

Later, after dinner, my dad interrupts my English homework and I know right away from the look on his face that he’s been brought up to speed.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Hey. So Mom told you?” I ask right away.

He nods. “Yup. She did.” And then he sits down on my desk chair.

“Oh no. Are you going to subject me to your own sex talk as well? She told you she forced a good 15 minute talk onto me already, right?”

“She did. And I don’t want to force you into another one if you don’t want to. I just wondered if you maybe _would_ want to talk to me about this…”

I’m confused by the tone he’s taking with this. I sit up and wait for him to continue.

“Listen, we both know your mom means well, but sometimes she can’t help being a bit…. _clinical_ … about these things. I thought you might appreciate a more relaxed approach. Plus I thought there might be, um… _guy_ components that you didn’t necessarily want to bring up with your mom.”

He’s not wrong. There’s a lot of stuff about sleeping with Bram that didn’t come up with her. And, if I’m being honest, there are some issues that I haven’t really let myself worry about yet.

I look at him, and he’s waiting patiently for me to respond.

“Okay. If you’re willing, that might be really helpful But! I reserve the right to _end_ this conversation at any time.”

“Great! Me too!” He laughs.

I can’t help but laugh too. Nice to know he’s dreading this as much as me.

He doesn’t continue the conversation right away. Neither do I. I honestly have no idea where to start. I do have questions I could ask, but I don’t think I can just … _say_ them. Just like that.

“So, Si. You’re about to take your relationship with Bram to the next level. Your mom said that you and Bram have talked about it already?”

“Yeah, we had a good talk about it, um… yesterday.”

“Okay. Recently. That’s okay. What exactly did you talk about?”

“We just talked about taking things to the next level, and specifically what that would involve. And that we’re both ready for that to happen now, but also that we wouldn’t rush it.”

“Okay that sounds really good. Important question: Did you talk about your nerves?”

“Um, no? We just talked about the fact that we’re both ready, uh, like I said.”

“You know, you can be ‘ready’ and still be nervous. That just means you’re human.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“… a _re_ you nervous, Si?”

I think about that question for a minute. If I’m being honest with myself, yeah, a little. But it has nothing to do with Bram’s history or any doubt that he wants me.

“Yeah, I’m a little nervous.” I admit.

“What about?”

“Um, I guess I’m nervous that it will… change things.... between Bram and me.”

“Well." He starts. "It _will_ change things, but if you talk about it, it can only change things for the better. Relationships are supposed to change and grow and progress and evolve. All of that is good. Sex is about feeling connected to someone. So make sure you talk about it before and after. And during! Check in with each other. Even with dudes. Things can change on a dime.”

“Hahah, thanks dad. Yeah, that’s solid advice. I’m not too worried about the talking part. Bram and I are good about that. And I’m not worried at all about … during. I trust Bram completely. I guess I’m just afraid that it will create awkwardness, or maybe just that it could, I guess? .”

“Just talk to him if you’re feeling uncomfortable. And _listen_ if he tries to talk to you. So long as you do those two things, there’s absolutely no chance of any lingering awkwardness, I promise you.”

I just nod. 

“Anything else?” He asks me, tentatively.

_Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. You are talking to your FATHER. Don’t say it._

“……What if I’m bad at it?”

_Aaaaaand there it is. I said it._

He just smiles.

“Well, Let me ask you this: what if _Bram’s_ bad at it?”

“Oh, I won’t care. At all. Obviously.”

“Exactly, Si. Neither will he. This is not about skill, or stamina or … _size_ …..or anything else. It’s just about sharing yourself with someone who matters to you. And being vulnerable and open with them and, just as importantly, letting them do the same with you.”

“ _Oh my GOD,_ Dad. Ugh! Did you just make a penis size reference??”

“Hey, I haven’t seen your situation since you hit puberty. I have no idea what you’re working with-”

“-NOPE! _Stop_.” I beg him.

This feels like a natural place to end the conversation. And even though he’s ruining it with inappropriate jokes, I do want to thank him for this talk so I get up, hug him and thank him. He made that a lot less painful than it needed to be.

“Okay, Si. Just don’t overthink it. You’ll be surprised at how much of this is going to come naturally to you. Just trust Bram. Make sure you both communicate and it can only be great.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

He gets up to walk out of the room but then turns back toward me at the last second.

“Oh, Si. One more thing. _Never_ say ‘I love you’ when you’re naked. Just don’t ever do it. No matter how much you may feel it in the moment and want to say it. _Resist that urge!_ ” And he makes a knowing lighthearted face at me.

I laugh at him. “Okay, thanks dad. Duly noted.”


	3. Spending the Weekend with Bram

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Okay, so here's Chapter 3. I fretted over it longer than I should have but I'm mostly happy with it now :) 
> 
> Just a fair warning - if you've come here for the smut, you're going to be disappointed. 
> 
> I genuinely did try, but it just wasn't reading authentically. So it had to come out. Can't do that to our fellas, now can I? Plus my style's more romance than anything else. It's still a little graphic-ish. Rated 14+ for sure :)
> 
> Hopefully it's still a fun read :)
> 
> Also a special shout-out to Clockworkiswriting for her continued support. And to Shinmeiko. I think I was clearly influenced by their stories here. :)

I walk up to Bram’s house with my overnight bag slung over my shoulder. I’m surprised to feel more nervous than I thought I’d be. But it’s good nerves. Mostly. I’m excited for this, and I’m still for sure 100% ready for this. I think I’m only nervous I’m going to do something to somehow screw this up, or maybe just that I’ll embarrass myself somehow.

I’m also glad that Bram and I have hung out once more since deciding to do this. It really took a lot of the pressure off this weekend. I came over on Thursday after school and that time, when I reached for Bram’s zipper, there was no one around to interrupt us, and it was …. _unreal_. And when he reached for mine, I was honestly worried I might faint.

Bram greets me at the door with a smile and a quick kiss. He takes my bag from me and puts it at the foot of the stairs and immediately leads us to the kitchen at the back of the house where he’s got lunch already laid out for us at the table.

“Oh my God, did you cook? This is amazing, I didn’t know you could cook.”

He responds with that bashful look he gets whenever anyone compliments him. “I would hardly call this cooking, I made sandwiches and soup. These are like, basic kitchen skills.”

“Still better than me. Between my mom and Nora, I’m hardly even allowed in the kitchen, let alone given the opportunity to cook in there.”

Bram smiles at me and says, “Well tomorrow morning I was thinking we’d make waffles, I can show you at least that skill if you want?”

Five minutes in and we’ve already commented on the fact that I’m spending the night. I’m glad he brought that up and didn’t let it turn into some elephant in the room. I don’t want to feel nervous and I would hate to think he is. I want him to feel as comfortable about this as I do.

I give him a knowing look to tell him I caught his double meaning. “That sounds awesome. I would love that.”

He smiles back at me and takes a bite out of his sandwich.

“Honestly, Bram. I’m kind of surprised that your mom was so chill about me staying over. I mean, I know she loves me and everything, but given what an empty house means, I thought for sure a lecture would have been included.”

“Oh, no, no. I _got_ a lecture.” Bram says quickly.

I look up in surprise. “You did? You didn’t mention that…. How bad was it?” I try and joke.

He just laughs nervously. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make you nervous! I also didn’t want you to think I was, like, _for sure_ putting anything on the table for this weekend or pressuring you or anything. But yeah – I definitely got a lengthy discussion about the ‘birds and the bees'.”

“Hahaha, ‘birds and the bees’. You’re so cute. What is this, 1955? Also, not to get too technical, but I’m pretty sure there are no …um, ‘ _birds_ ’ involved with you and me…” I respond. 

Bram laughs at my birds joke but keeps going, “So your parents just said yes to your coming? You didn’t also get a … _talk_?” I’ve got a mouth full of food when he asks so I just respond by holding up two fingers.

“Two sex talks? Why?!?” Bram asks, and laughs at the absurdity of it.

“One from each parent. Mom wanted to be my therapist and my dad wanted to be my bro.”

Bram laughs and takes a sip of his water.

“Honestly, though. Both were actually kinda helpful in their own weird way.” I say and smile lightly at him.

“Yeah? Honestly? Mine too. Even if it did involve my mom hurling condoms at me.”

“Haha. What a _visual_.” I almost giggle at the idea of it, but instead I ask, “So, um …. did it change your thinking about anything?” I ask and look up from my plate.

“Not in the slightest.” Bram says with confidence, looking me square in the eyes.

But then he flicks his gaze down. “What about for you?” And he tentatively looks back up at me.

I smile and shake my head. “Nope.”

Bram smiles so warmly it almost catches me off guard.

After lunch, we clean up the dishes and go hang out in his den fully intending to watch a movie. Bram dutifully picks out a movie he knows I’ll like, but we’re not five minutes into it when he suddenly hits pause and turns to me.

“Simon, I’m really sorry.”

“Um. Why?” I say, trying to hide my panic.

“I feel like I’ve pressured you. I know we talked about both of us being ready, but then I message you the very next day with the promise of an empty house. I’m just stressing because we made such a point of talking about not _rushing_ this even if we _are_ both ready. But then we had the talk and then messaged you right away to suggest you come over this weekend. I feel like I made the whole thing happen, um… _fast_.”

He looks over at me looking hesitant and _very_ worried.

He continues, “You know, SI, you don’t _owe_ me anything just because we have all this privacy this weekend.”

Oh my God, he’s so cute.

I can’t believe he’s so worried about this. I also can’t get over the irony. I was worried about _exactly this_ on the way over, that he might feel pressured to go all the way with me, just because we had the empty house, and here he is worried about the exact same thing. I’m kind of amazed that all it took was to hear him be nervous that he was pushing me to realize I’m actually not nervous about this. Not at all. Not one bit.

Not only am I ready, but I want this to happen now. But, if he’s uncomfortable, or if he’s feeling like it’s rushed. Then we definitely will wait.

I don’t say anything at first, but just scoot closer to him on the couch. I pull both my feet up and lean my knees into his thighs while curling into his side. He puts his drink down on the side table behind him, turns around and immediately puts both of his hands on me, but doesn’t say anything.

“Bram, I’m going to tell you what I told my mom.”

That takes him by surprise. “Okay…” he says and laughs nervously.

“Well, she also brought up the quickness of this. And when she was talking about it, I realized, she really thinks that our relationship started a month ago at the carnival. And yeah! Sure, in some ways it did. But in a lot of other, really important ways, it really didn’t.

Bram – do you realize you made that post on Creeksecrets six months ago now? And I gotta tell you, I still remember exactly how I felt when I read it for the first time. Amazed at your bravery and how your mind worked. I just remember thinking ‘I _have_ to know this person’. So I emailed you. And when you wrote back? Man, it was, like, the most excited I think I’d ever felt - that first time I saw a notification from ‘blugreen118’ on my phone.

If you want me to, I can trace how I felt with every single email I got from you, and how every email just made me want to know you more and more. It also made me want you to know me. And how over time, I started to feel so connected to the anonymous person in my computer more than I did to the people I talked to in person. 

So yeah – if we just look from the Ferris wheel onward, I can see how someone might worry this is rushed, but, honestly, even that doesn’t feel rushed to me. Because when it comes to being ready for this? Both as a person, and us as a couple, when you know, you know, right? And I _know_ …with you. Honestly, I’ve known for awhile. We decided we were both ready – so it doesn’t really matter if it happens the next day, the next week or the next month. Ready is ready, right? Besides, I’ve wanted to sleep with Blue for months. The fact that Blue is you, just makes everything better. And the fact that you look like this? A mere bonus.” I joke.

Bram looks a little overwhelmed, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off me. I guess he wasn’t expecting me to go on a long-winded lovefest about him when he brought up worrying about rushing me. He shouldn’t be surprised, he knows I’m a drama kid. I love soliloquies. He knew what he signed up for when he started going out with me.

“So, B. I don’t feel rushed at all. And I’m one hundred percent, for sure, totally, really ready – if my being ‘ready’ is what you’re worried about…...

 _But….. And this is super important_ , I’m gonna echo your comment about this. I’m really, really, _really_ okay with waiting. Even though you’ve done it before, that doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to feel like this is moving too fast. If you feel that way, that’s _absolutely,_ totally okay. We should only take things to the next level today if we’re both 100% sure about it. I am 100% sure, but I definitely want you to tell me if you’re not and if you’re worried this is moving too quickly. Because I’m fine with waiting. Like you said to me: I’ll wait forever for you.”

I haven’t broken eye contact with Bram either. I take a moment to study his eyes and I can see his brain is working a mile a minute. I love that I’m starting to really know the different expressions he sometimes gets. I can’t blame him for needing a moment, I just threw a lot at him and, us being guys, we take a minute to process these things, I know that.

But then suddenly, Bram is on top of me, pinning me to the couch and he kisses me so slowly it sends a shiver down my spine. He snakes his arm under my shoulder and cradles the back of my head in his hand. I throw my one arm around his waist and bring my other hand up to his neck.

“I don’t think this is too fast either. I’m just worried about making a mistake and screwing things up with you. You mean everything to me, Simon.”

Not for the first time, I think about the fact that I love him. I think about telling him now, but I know my dad is right. It’s probably not the time. I don’t want to mess up the memory of my first time, or our first time together, and I also don’t want to risk sullying the memory of the first time we say ‘I love you’ to each other.

But I _do_ love him. I’m completely sure of it. Looking up at him above me like this. I have this surreal out of body moment where I think about what it took to get here. I spent five months emailing and falling in love with Blue, only to find out that he was this guy I already knew and respected and admired, not to mention was extremely attracted to.

Maybe now _is_ the right time? I feel it so strongly, and I think he does too. I honestly don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m just so… lucky …. to love him. _God, I want to tell him so badly-_

“-I love you.” Bram says it so quietly but it’s more than enough to snap me back into the moment.

_Oh my God. Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. He just said it to me. Oh my God._

“I’m so sorry.” He continues “I didn’t want to say that to you this weekend and, like, make things weird. Honestly, I feel like I made a huge mistake not telling you sooner, like _before_ this weekend, but I always worried it was too soon and it would freak you out. But I also don’t want you to think that my telling you I love you has anything at all to do with us sleeping together. I love you _now_ regardless of whether we sleep together today or not. It’s definitely not conditional on that. But, I …. I’m in love with you, Simon, and I just, I, um, I can’t hold it in anymore.”

Bram Greenfeld just told me he loves me. It’s surreal. I always thought I would explode in happiness at hearing him say this, but I’m surprised to find I actually feel … oddly peaceful. Still deliriously happy. But more, just ... right. Hearing that from him just makes the world make perfect sense.

I look up at him and I just want to start singing love songs or something, but he looks stressed. Like he’s still worried that this is bad timing or something. Doesn’t he realize I would have given anything to hear him say that? At anytime? No matter when, where or what we were doing?

I pull my hand up and cup his cheek as I whisper quietly, “I love you, too.” I bring my fingers up and gently run them through his hair to the back of his head.

“Yeah?” He asks, his voice a little shaky.

“Yeah.” I affirm. “I love you _so freaking much_. I’ve also been ‘holding it in’ because I didn’t want you to think it was in anyway dependent on …. this weekend. But it’s true and honestly, I’m having a hard time remembering what life was like before I knew I loved you. So I don’t care about the timing of this. I love you, Bram.”

With that, I lift my head up and connect our lips again. Bram matches my speed and suddenly he pushes his whole body into me in a way that makes me feel like he just lit me aflame. I can feel that fire all the way down into every finger and every toe. Bram moves his lips down to my neck and can feel my whole body responding to it in ways that are new to me. I pull my knee up to the side of his hip, allowing us to touch a little more and Bram lets out the most delicious sound I think I’ve ever heard.

With that, he lifts his head up and looks into my eyes in a knowing way to check in with me. I gently nod to answer the question he wordlessly asked, and with that we both get up off the couch and head to his room.

When we walk into Bram’s room, I suddenly feel a little nervous again. Like I don’t want to seem too eager, but I also don’t want to seem hesitant, either. I’m not quite sure how to strike that balance.

Thankfully, Bram just wraps his arms around me and kisses me with determination and purpose. I love it and I’m so thankful to him for taking the lead.

I immediately reach for the hem of his shirt and pull it up over his head and he responds by unzipping my hoodie and promptly taking that and the t-shirt underneath off as well.

I’ve been shirtless with Bram twice before now and it was awesome both times but this time is different. This time more clothes are coming off and what we’re going to do is way more intense. And yet, I’m amazed to find my nerves are totally gone and I’m just completely consumed by how _right_ this feels.

“And you’re still good for trying it both ways?” I ask.

He smiles at me. “Yeah, definitely. I definitely want to try both.”

“Do you have a preference – do you wanna top first or bottom?”

“I don’t care, either way. Really. Do you have a preference?” he asks me.

“Um, yeah, actually, I think I do, kind of. I think I want to bottom first, and top second. Is that okay with you?”

He just looks at me with a look in his eyes I’ve never seen before, but it sets my soul on fire.

“Yeah, I’m okay with that.”

I lean forward and kiss him again, immediately pulling him tight against me.

I move my hands around from his back to reach for the button on his pants when Bram breaks the kiss.

“-Simon.”

I immediately freeze and look at him.

“Simon, before we keep going, I want you to promise me something…”

“Okay…” I say tentatively.

“I want you to promise me that you will tell me right away if it’s too much or, um, … if I hurt you or … anything at all like that, okay?.”

“Yeah, of course, Bram. I promise-”

‘ _Seriously_ though, Si. I want you to promise me you’ll tell me the _second_ you stop having fun.”

I laugh at his wording. “I promise you. 'The second I stop having fun'. But you have to promise me the same thing. We’ll promise each other.”

Bram smiles at me and looks relieved. I realize then he must be hyper aware of the fact that he’s about to take my virginity. Maybe he’s feeling some kind of heavy responsibility. I should reassure him more so he stops worrying.

“But for the record, Bram. I’m not worried about that, at all.” And I move in to kiss him with twice as much passion as earlier. I also move back to his jeans and promptly get them undone. Instead of immediately pulling them down, I reach one hand around to his butt, and use the other arm to tight my hold on him, keeping him close to me and kiss his neck again. I want to hear that amazing sound he made earlier again. I want that more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.

It doesn’t take long after that for us to be completely enveloped in each other. There’s no awkwardness at all, and being naked with him feels so right. When he runs his hand down my sides till he reaches my bare hip, all I can do is wonder why we didn’t start doing this a lot sooner. When he kisses his way down my chest, I'm pretty sure I just fall in love with him all over again. And when the moment comes to officially cross this new line, he’s lying behind me with our feet intertwined and he’s got one arm firmly wrapped around my torso. He pushes into me slowly and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before could prepare me for this feeling. I feel completely surrounded by Bram, like he’s just wrapped himself in and around me in every possible way, and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

I take in a sharp inhale of air. I have to admit it hurts a little, but it’s not a painful kind of hurt. It’s kind of a great feeling, actually.

Bram instantly notices, freezes every muscle and whispers, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. This is amazing. I just… need a minute.. it’s just…. wow, it’s a lot..” And then, immediately seeing the opportunity, I tilt my head over my own shoulder and smile as I say, “ _Pun intended._ ”

Bram lets out the quietest laugh I’ve ever heard and proceeds to kiss my back, shoulders and neck while he waits for me.

After another minute, I quietly whisper, “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Yeah? Alright. And don’t forget about our promise, okay?”

“I won’t.” And I bring his hand up to my mouth and kiss his fingers. And with that, we’re flying.

In the morning, I wake up lying on my back. It takes me a moment to remember that I’m not at home, but I’m instead in Bram’s bed. With Bram. And we’re both naked. God, Bram _naked_... The real thing was even better than I could have ever imagined. His lean arms, long legs. His perfectly sculpted abs, his _hands_ ….. I look over at him lying beside me on his side, facing me. He’s got his hand tucked adorably under his own chin. Still fast asleep. That surprises me, I thought for sure he would have woken up hours before me. I glance over his shoulder at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It’s still really early. Not surprising that I woke up this early. We basically spent the entire day yesterday in his bed except for when we surfaced to order pizza and watch that movie he picked for us. I’m pretty sure we passed out somewhere around 10 o’clock.

I glance over at the skin on his neck and am flooded by the memories of planting my lips there while burying myself in him. Reaching down and stroking him in sync with the rhythm of my own movements.

I remember the feeling of having him in my mouth. I never thought I would love doing that as much as I did. The weight of him felt like the most natural thing in the world. He was surprisingly way more nervous about my doing that to him than he was about doing it to me. But he trusted me and let me do it. I’ll never forget the moment he let go and relaxed into it. God, it was fucking phenomenal.

And I remember how tightly he wrapped his arms around me, whispered my name and buried his face into my skin when he came inside me. It might have been the most magical moment of my life.

“-Si, you’re staring.” Bram says, without even opening his eyes and a gentle smile crosses his lips.

I just laugh. I should have known he wasn’t asleep. There was no chance of me waking up before him. Zero.

“You’re right. I was. Sorry.”

He opens his eyes. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really good! But then again, of course I’d be well rested, we’ve been in this bed for like 20 hours now...” I joke.

Bram smiles at me. “That’s true, but we haven’t been sleeping that entire time.”

I beam at him. “And yet, I still feel amazing.”

Suddenly Bram looks more serious. “Yeah? You do?”

“Yeah.” I assure him.

“No regrets, right?”

“No! None! Do you have regrets?” I ask, mildly panicking again.

“No, not at all. I’m so happy, Si.” And he leans in and kisses me. A romantic kiss that is so warm and reassuring that I feel light as air.

When he breaks the kiss, I immediately move to rest my head on his chest.

I feel it again. That urge to tell him I love him. His strong arms wrapped around me. How much he cares. How confident and sensitive he is. But we’re both naked and my dad’s warning is front and center in my brain. I decide to stay silent, too afraid to mess this up.

“Okay, Si, come back over here." Bram calls me over from the kitchen island where I'm busy chopping fruit. "So here’s the trick with the waffle maker. However much batter you think makes sense, put like, twenty percent less. Because this shit _spreads_ when you close the lid but then it shrinks again when it cooks. Also it cooks way faster than you think.”

And a few seconds later, he’s already taking it out of the grill and, of course, it’s cooked to perfection.

“That might be an actual perfect waffle.” I say and kiss him on the cheek.

He shoots me a skeptical smile but then goes to make the next one.

I set the food out at the kitchen table and lay out the fruit as a garnish on each of our plates. I like plating, it’s one of the only things Nora lets me do when I offer to help her cook. I also get the syrup and jam out of the fridge and pour both of us coffees.

Bram is trailing right behind me with a full plate of waffles. Once we’re both sitting, I quickly pick one with my fork and cover it with berries and syrup.

“Oh my God, Bram.” I say still with my mouth full. “So soft and fluffy! These are _almost_ as good as Nora’s. _Almost._ And that’s a huge compliment.”

Bram laughs too. “I _know_ that’s a compliment! Nora’s basically a professional chef at the tender age of fourteen.”

I smile at him and then dive back into the food with absolutely zero chill.

After a second, I notice that Bram isn’t eating, but instead he’s looking at me with a strange, longing look on his face.

I’m halfway through putting my fork down when Bram blurts out “I can’t believe you’re really here.”

I must look confused, because Bram immediately starts, “Not like, as in, this house right now, but like, _here with me_. Like, that you want to be with me and spend time with me and date me….I don’t know… I don’t know what I’m saying…” He says and just shakes his head to himself.

I can feel that giddy grin coming on long before it erupts on my face.

Bram recovers his nerve and keeps going, “It’s just, I _really_ love you, Simon. I have for a really long time.”

I immediately get up, walk around the table and pull on his arm, gently coaxing him up to standing. I wrap my arms around his back and keep looking at him. “You know, you told me that yesterday.” I say, as a joking reminder.

“I know, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t worried that I lied just to get you in the sack…” He jokes.

I can’t help but laugh at that. “So that wasn’t a ruse to seduce me?”

“No, I really, really love you.” He says, suddenly serious again.

I look deep into his eyes. “I really, really love you too. Emailing ‘Blue’ was the best decision I’ve ever made.”

Bram immediately kisses me. He wraps his arms around me and holds me so tight. I transition the kiss into a hug and graze my fingers on the back of his head.

I pull back and kiss him again quickly.

When I pull back, I smile at him. “You taste like waffles.”

He just bursts out laughing. “I haven’t taken a bite yet!”

I laugh too. I love being with him like this, both our hands are on each other, but it’s easy and light and natural.

“Okay, well maybe _I_ taste like waffles!”

“I can confirm that you do.” He says cheekily, and then keeps laughing. “I think you’re just still hungry, Si. Don’t worry, I’ll let you finish breakfast before I try and seduce you again.”

I shoot him a skeptical look. “Just take the ‘try’ out of that sentence and we’re _good_.”

After several more hours back in bed, and one unexpectedly adventurous shower, it’s finally time for me to go home and the goodbye is surprisingly difficult. My dad was right, things feel different between us, but it’s a good different.

Better, stronger. Because we did this right.

Bram, ever the gentleman, walks me out to my car. I open the driver’s side door, and turn to look at him.

“Bye, Simon. I hope Nora’s dinner tonight will be almost as good as my waffles.” He jokes.

“A _high_ bar.” I joke back.

Bram smiles, but then glances down at my lips again. He gives me such a sweet kiss that I melt as I lean into him.

“See you tomorrow.” I recover, smile and wave as I climb into my car.

I get home just after 4pm, well in time for dinner as I promised. I’m hoping to steel away to my room but I should have realized there’s no escaping my parents. They’re both sitting at the kitchen table with knowing looks on their faces.

“Hey, Si. _Hoooooow_ was your night _?_ ” My dad asks in a clearly insinuating tone.

I make a disgusted face. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

My mom, however, looks nervous and wistful. “Did everything go okay?”

I stop in front of the table and just look down for a moment before I look at her face to respond.

“Yeah.” I say quietly, turning serious in my response.

“Everything went … perfectly.” And I smile at her. Hoping that’s enough of an answer.

I guess she decides it is because she doesn’t say anything else.

My dad, however, chimes in with “Yeah? And no awkwardness or ‘bad changes’, right?” clearly referring to our earlier discussion.

“No. It really did go great. In fact, there was a lot more talking and joking and …. _laughing_ … than I thought there would be. It was just… _fun_ … and not in the obvious way… er, I mean not _only_ in the obvious way.”

I kind of laugh at myself. I didn’t mean to share that, but I’m surprised to find I’m not embarrassed that I just said that in front of both my parents.

My parents both smile in a way that is just a little too intense for my liking and I’m afraid that because I just gave an inch worth of details, they’re gonna try and take a mile and ask me a ton more questions.

Time to shut this down. I try and think if there’s something else I should say to them before I close out this topic and _never again talk about sex with either one of them ever again._

“And, I guess as a final thing to say on it then. Thanks again to both of you for your talks the other day. They both helped a lot. Really.”

“Good, Si. We’re glad.” My dad says and my mom just keeps looking at me while she tilts her head and rests it on my dad’s shoulder.

“Okay – is there anything I can do to help with dinner?” I ask.

“Nope! You’re on dish duty with your dad.”

“Ok so, a _normal_ Sunday then.” I say. “Fine by me. I’ll come back down in a bit then.” I give them a half-hearted wave and head upstairs.

I flop onto my bed and take a few deep breaths as it all hits me again.

I lost my virginity this weekend. To my boyfriend who I _adore_. Who told me he loves me. And I told him I love him right back.

It feels simultaneously huge and also like this totally normal, regular thing. Like, everything’s different and yet somehow _nothing_ is different, all at the same time.

It’s so interesting. It all just feels really normal and so, so right.

And my mom, who I know would be desperate to turn this into a huge thing – let me go without forcing another conversation about it. I’m guessing I have my dad to thank for that one.

Suddenly my phone pings and I just know, without having to look, that it’s Bram.

_Bram:_

_Hey you. I miss you already. I’m so happy you came over this weekend and I’m so happy I’m with you._

I smile at my phone. He always manages to say so much with so few words. It’s amazing.

I text him back.

_I miss you too. I can’t believe I have to sleep alone tonight when I now know how good it is with you in bed with me._

_Bram:_

_Oh, don’t you worry. There will definitely be a ‘next time’._

He really may be too good for this world. I smile at my screen like the lovesick puppy I am.

Suddenly a text from Nora comes through, interrupting my reminiscing.

_Nora:_

_pls come back downstairs and hang out with me. Mom and Dad are being annoying._

I smile, genuinely happy to get that text from her. I know my mom resisted bombarding me with questions, so I’m sure she had to redirect that overbearing energy somewhere, I guess Nora’s getting mothered pretty hard right now. I'm not upset to go and rejoin them, in fact I'm looking forward to it.

I tuck my phone in my back pocket and practically float back down to the kitchen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok that's the end!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts. If you're disappointed about the lack of smut - let me know in the comments, I've found 2-3 stories that are A++ in that category. (In fact part of the reason I couldn't write it myself - who can live up to the already awesome standards in this fandom? :))


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